I have recently completed the most profound transformation cycle of my life. Becoming a mother. And then becoming me again.

Since motherhood, I am no longer “just” a Sensor – I wrote in a recent article about how I actually embody and express aspects of all three trends of Ectomorph, Mesomorph and Endomorph (in response to my external and internal environments.) The expressions of ‘me’ are wider and more changeable.

In the spirit of our month of gratitude, I was reflecting on the people that I have been calling on to support me through this journey. Friends who are highly experienced and gifted coaches in our ph360 community. And I realised something really simple, but really profound.

I didn’t just need the village to raise my child. I needed the village to raise me. To raise me up.

And I have had that village. I have been supported by a key person of every HealthType in my journey of return and recovery since the birth. Each person has had the precise genius and energy that I needed to help me with where I was at that time.

And in all honesty, when my mind was all stirred up and my emotions were storming through the relentless challenges of raising an energetic and expressive toddler (this Sensor mum was blessed with an amazing Connector son!), I did have those thoughts of “What would they know about this??” or “It’s easy for them to tell me what to do to change things – but they’re not IN it! It’s easy to be super balanced and clear when you’re meditating in Bali, or a bachelor in the metropolis, or your kids are all old enough to be independent humans…” (I went VERY far down the rabbit hole of my mind and emotions…)

But that’s exactly the thing. This is why we need each other. It’s why we are all living different experiences. Some vastly different, some quite similar but perhaps at different stages. We do not need to be the same to connect. It is actually what is different about us that brings us together. That creates bridges for us – out of where we are, to where we can be.

A good personalised health coach doesn’t need to have the same personal experience as you to know how to connect with you,  how to support and guide you, how to motivate you, how to praise you. They know you. Maybe even more than you know yourself at times, especially if you’re lost (I certainly was for a time).

They know what you can be. They know your true potential. Not just in a sweeping “Yeah, you can do anything!” kind of way – which can just set someone up for disappointment if they are being encouraged along a path that they are not actually built for (like pushing a Diplomat to do Crossfit.) The personalised health system provides your coach, and you, with all the information you need to optimise and rebalance your health, no matter where you are, or what you are going through at the time.

So my team, my village, the people to whom I am eternally grateful –

An awesome Activator who got things moving for me again – starting with all of my pent up, intense emotions.

A cherub Connector who taught me how to play and laugh again (yes, my wonderful son).

A generous Guardian who welcomed me back into the fold right when I needed it, as if I had never gone at all.

A deep and delightful Diplomat who grounded me back into taking care of myself, with a soft but steady patience.

A far-seeing Sensor who could give me the precise pointers I needed to see clearly for myself again.

A disciplined and driven Crusader who set up the frameworks that directed me to compartmentalise, and therefore integrate, all the pieces of myself.

I cannot even express the depth of my gratitude to each of these people for helping me through my darkness. For knowing and seeing me when I couldn’t. For showing me the way through. For helping me to complete my cycle of transformation.

And, true to the way the cycle works, I worked with each of them in that order. The healing and transformation cycle has very distinct and essential steps that we must go through to achieve completion. (I’m writing much more on this now that I am back in my Sensor flow!)

The first stage of a transformation is always a separation – breaking away from something old, from what is known, in order to become something new, by travelling through the unknown. Becoming a mother is one of the most profound and multi-layered separations that a human can go through – because it is a separation from your previous self, and then a re-connection to a whole new self, with the addition of a new person alongside you.

The separation is the break from what you currently know. It could be a crisis. A big change. A health problem that arises. It is what we feel as the pain. The confusion. The darkness. Feeling lost.

Then you have to cross the threshold. You can either stay in the pain and the darkness and never transform, and have nothing change, or you can step through. This can feel like you’re just going deeper into the dark. Because you are – you are going further into the unknown.

But the key ingredient here – is that you do not do it alone. You have a support person. And that support person needs to be someone who will help you express that darkness out of you – someone who will jump on in there with you, fight alongside you, and keep you moving through the fire. Like an Activator.

Along the way you have a whole team of support people, with the relevant person coming along, or being called upon, to help you with each test that arises.

When you need to feel connected back to lightness, and not have this whole journey be so damn serious, a Connector pops in.

When you need to be held and carried, to be reminded that you are a part of something bigger, a clan, a Guardian steps in.

When you need to keep moving, slowly but surely, digesting it all carefully as you go, a Diplomat can guide you.

When you need to take a step back and see the big picture, linked to all the details, a Sensor is there.

When you need a clear and precise framework that will ensure motivated repetition for success, a Crusader strides in.

The journey is long and hard and can feel like two steps forward, three steps back. But if you’ve got your team, the people who can see what you will become when you get through, who are already seeing you transform before you even notice it yourself, who know the way – then you will be ok. You will make it through. And you will come out the other side transformed.

We are not designed to make it through on our own. We are designed in such a way that each of us has a very specific and perfect set of skills, talents and qualities that are precisely what others need. Our genius is not required all the time, in every situation. We are not supposed to always be in one role. Sometimes we lead, sometimes we follow, sometimes we break the rules entirely and forge a different path. But all along, as we step forward, another steps back. As we step back, we allow another to step up. When we step aside, others notice and consider.

All our experiences are designed in such a way as to trigger the expression of what is needed in someone else.

Our pent up emotions trigger the Activator to show us how to really, really express. To get in there and move that stuff up and out. Because they know how to do that. Just do it.

Our self-denial and excessive sacrificing triggers the Diplomat to know the exact words and guidance to share to show us how to fill our cup first. Because they have been there. And they know how to reframe self-love as the only way to really love another fully.

Our confusion and questioning is precisely what triggers the Crusader to take the reigns and give directions. To say, this is what needs to be done. Now practice it. Good. Now do it again, but take it a step further. Good. Continue. They build the framework and direct you to take the steps through it, training you back along the way to success. Because that is what they do.

So all our trials in fact become gifts to others. Opportunities for others to express their gifts. While for us we may be in pain and suffering and feeling like we won’t ever get through – that is what motivates others to help us. That is what signals to the village to come together. To raise up all their gifts. In order to raise you up again.

And then, when you are returned, whole and new, you have your own set of newly advanced skills and insights and connections that will be precisely what the village needs next. To help raise up the next person who needs it.

And that is the reason why we suffer. So we can heal. So we can experience the immense power of the gratitude that flows in when we receive healing. So that through our healing we can then guide others in theirs.

 

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