Daily Living

HealthType Hot Tips: How to Love a Sensor

Sensors love to feel special: pamper their senses, and tell them how much you love, admire and value them.

Natalie Howard Natalie Howard
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Valentine’s Day may not be your thing, but if you’re in a relationship, or seeking one, you really do need to be adept at loving up your partner. You can’t just “have” a partner and expect the relationship to thrive if you don’t maintain it with well communicated love. That’s what I’m exploring in this series – HealthType specific communication and behaviour tips to help you get, and keep, the love flowing, whether you do Valentine’s Day or not.

Whether you’re wooing a new date, or treating your long term partner to some well deserved TLC, showing love in the way that they actually love to receive it is the secret. Love is an investment. There’s no point trying to use the wrong form of currency for the market and expect a great return. Invest in their currency, and you’ll get your return. You can then exchange the currency however you need, because now that’s what you’re both doing – exchanging love.

Is your special, or potential, someone a sweet yet seemingly impenetrable Sensor?

You know all the romantic cliches about pampering and spoiling? The ones you might think are a superficial waste of time and money, a product of the capitalist machine?

Chances are, this is exactly what your Sensor actually wants. Really. I don’t just say this because I’m a Sensor, and a particularly romantically inclined one at that. (Although that is a fair disclaimer for the personal bias in this article. I discuss HealthType principles, but you need to know your person personally.)

Biologically, Sensors are, as the name suggests, the most sensitive. It really does not take much to build up stress, tension, frustration and overwhelm in the Sensor mind and body. When that happens, the safety mechanism for the Sensor is to shut down and withdraw, usually in a pretty direct and prickly way. If you want your Sensor to be feeling your love, if they’ve closed up shop from being overloaded with life, they just won’t feel it. They can struggle to let any love in, even when they want to.

However, just as Sensors are sensitive to stressors, they are equally, if not even more so, sensitive to de-stressors. A gentle touch that might barely register to a bigger body is really, really, felt by a Sensor. A bouquet of flowers that registers as “That’s nice” for someone else, can set a Sensor heart singing for all the days and weeks that it adorns their home.

So, despite seeming like very complex people because of their intellect and array of defences, Sensors are really simple when it comes to loving them up: Pamper them, and tell them how special they are. Relax their nervous system by feeding their senses with beauty, depth, warmth and meaning.

Hot Tips for Loving Up a Sensor:

1. Gifts
Thoughtful gifts rank very highly. It’s a piece of you, a sign of your affection that they can fully experience and return to in their mind as a memory, or in real life if it is an object. Feed and expand as many of their highly attuned senses as you can.

Sensational Ideas: Massages, a trip to a high quality theatre or dance performance, a refined restaurant, a wine / cheese / chocolate tasting, aromatherapy, exquisite teas or drinks, candles, tasteful jewellery or clothes, a novel, a beautiful notebook or stationary set.

Bear in Mind: For any dining, make the effort to be sure on their specific dietary needs. It won’t “spoil the surprise.” A Sensor will infinitely prefer that everything is properly and accurately prepared. Surprises generally aren’t appreciated – planning is a Sensor’s love language. That includes rushing anything – spontaneity and intensity generally puts a Sensor on alert.

Gift vouchers can be hit and miss, especially if they are quite general, because they can be interpreted by the Sensor as “I don’t really know you or what you like.” You might be trying to say “I am giving you freedom and choice,” which may be a desirable thing for you. But to a Sensor, who spends most of their waking life in their hyper processing prefrontal cortex, having the experience of NOT having to choose because someone who really knows them has done all the thinking – now that, is bliss. That’s why an actual item or specifically organised experience says “I know you” or “I went to the effort of talking to your friend / relative / asking you the right questions to find out what you’d like.”

2. Words of affirmation
Sensors like it deep and meaningful. Written is wonderful, because then they can keep it and return to it. A card, even a well composed message, goes a long way. If you don’t have the words, find a poem, it won’t take long to find something of literary quality.

Set aside time to allow long conversation with them, to let their mind wander and flow with you however they like, so their whole body can relax. Consider interesting (not necessarily controversial) thoughts, questions and topics to generate the kind of insightful and intellectual discussion they enjoy. Even if you might feel a bit out of your depth, allowing them to be in theirs is your gift to them. They’ll probably be very happy to talk extensively, enjoying your full attention.

Remember what I said about the bliss of NOT having to think? Deep conversation actually relaxes the Sensor mind. It’s not an intellectual debate, so it’s not executive thinking, it is abstract exploration. Conversation engages the conceptually creative Sensor mind, while disengaging their intellectual fight/flight. It literally eases mental and physical tension. If in doubt, peaceful silence always wins.

Sharing this experience with them let’s them know how much you love, admire and value their mind. Reinforce this with your words of affirmation of how you think and feel about them, and you will have one happy, relaxed, appreciative Sensor.

And, of course, don’t just treat them like this once or twice a year. Keep it up, consistently, to continually reassure your Sensor of your love and devotion to them. With their very busy minds and ability to take in and extrapolate immense amounts of information, it’s easy for a Sensor to become lost in their thoughts, and potentially further away from you.

Like a bird, they can fly away. But, if you keep putting out lovely things to attract and feed them, listening to and talking to them, you’ll have your bird staying and singing for you all year round.

And Sensors, whether you have a special someone, or people, who take care of you, or not – it is your responsibility to take care of yourself first. While it’s lovely to receive, it is always your responsibility to put yourself in the right state of receptivity. You’re always going to be receptive to everything, so regularly attune your mind, body and soul to be receptive to the environments and experiences that feed your senses in healthy ways. It doesn’t mean any less because you’re gifting it to yourself – it actually means even more, because you’re choosing what matters.

Want to go deeper on the HealthType specific ways we love and relate? Sign up for Relationships360.

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